A few weeks ago, my twin boys' preschool teacher unexpectedly passed away. Of course, this was a huge shock to all of us and incredibly sad news. She was beloved by her students, her family and friends. This is the first person in their short lives that they'd lost.

They're not strangers to the idea of death and "passing on"; I often speak of my deceased mom (their "Grandma in Heaven") and they see me get teary whenever her name comes up. We talk about her watching over us. In an abstract sense, they are familiar with the idea of death.

But this was the first important person in their lives that they'd known, adored and lost. 

My husband and I struggled with explaining her absence to them: do we tell them that she died or just that she'd move away? They are four years old. Was it necessary to be brutally honest with them? But did we want to knowingly lie to them? All these questions ran through our minds and there were no clear answers. 

Ultimately, the decision was made for us as another parent told their child the blatant truth. So we sat them down and told them as gently as we could. While they took it well in the moment, in the following days we could see them processing, reacting, going through their own stages of grief. 

I searched for ways to help them express their grief, something I have a lot of experience with, but not when it comes to guiding four year olds through it. 

There were some helpful online resources, but ultimately I came back to what gave me some peace after my mother passed in 2009 from brain cancer. I thought about things the boys love to do (play outside, be in nature, dig in dirt, eat) and about how we could incorporate that into some sort of grief processing experience for them. 

That weekend, we went to the local plant nursery and each child (including their older sister) picked out a plant they wanted to plant in the memorial garden we were planning for our backyard. They helped us plant them in the garden and we said a little blessing over each plant as they went into the ground. 

That evening, we had our own little memorial service for their beloved teacher. We went around the table and repeated our favorite memories of her and why she was so special to us as we feasted on their favorite foods. 

Did that erase their grief? Hardly. But I do think it gave them a conduit and a way to work with (not through) it in a way that made sense to them. 

Here are some more ideas to memorialize a loved one: 

1. Plant a tree in their memory and honor, like we did. 

2. Leave an empty seat at the table for them for holiday gatherings.

3. Make a memory jar, including items that remind you of the deceased. 

4. Donate to a charity your loved one felt strongly about in their memory.

5. Repurpose their items, clothing, and knickknacks into pieces of art, jewelry, or a lovely quilt.

What traditions do you have to honor lost loved ones? We'd love to hear them. Please comment below.